So I put on a Hulkamania T-shirt, a do rag, my old blue jeans and> jacket, and my old "Hood issue" black Reebok blacktops from 1996, then> got down there on the Amtrak and ran on down there. I got to the> stadium pretty quick because nobody else was in Jacksonville. I must> tell you I was pretty depressed when I walked in there, but I saw this> stage set up. It was a secret MTV set up! They were practicing to get> the halftime show back! They had this stereo set up to play music> because none of the singers could actually sing or anything, so I> slipped my "Wrestling Album" CD in one of the CD players, took the> remote control, then climbed up on the stage to scope the action.>

It sucked! Ashlee Simpson was jumping around but the backing track was> messed up, and when it started playing it actually got worse. I was> trying to blend in with the roadies and they all looked out of it. Then> the stage started spinning around me! It was Justin Timberlake! Yes he> was back, he tried to dance and stopped, he was wandering around> yelling about his music, and it all started fading out, it was a blur.> He started dancing again and asked for his music, I just snapped. I> whipped out the remote control and started blasting "Real American" on> the speakers! Then I threw it at him! He started juicing like a monster> as I ran over and punched him in the face! I ran him over with three> clotheslines in a row while running down five MTV executives who got in> my way! The roadies were all marking out now and flexing. Ahslee> Simpson jumped on me, she had an autograph book and was sticking it in> my face. I whipped her to the steel scaffold post and her backing track> singer said ow for her. The place was swarming with security now, so I> gave Justin a big boot, stretched him out across a couple speakers, and> climbed up on the scaffold like that Rage Against the Machine guy who> lost it on MTV that time and started flexing. Then I legdropped him> from ten feet up! He sold like a lucha when I caught him across the> neck and he went flipping off the stage into the pit. Too bad nobody> caught him, they were all too busy flexing and posing. Then MTV> security was on me, but I held out my foot and they all ran into it,> ten in a row, and got laid out. Then the police started coming, but> they waited the five minutes it took me to ever so slow take off my> jacket to reveal the Hulkamania colors, and slowly tear off the shirt> while men cried and women passed out. Then I ran out of the building.> On the way out, they had this ladder set up next to the rent a johns> and William Hung was on it, he was trying to get his high notes back.> So I grabbed that ladder and dropped him right in the deuce juice,> cause THAT'S HOW I ROLL! I took the ladder with me and clobbered a> couple homeless people with it on the way out. This big MTV guy was in> a limo, so I speared the driver through the windshield with the ladder.> To my horror I saw it was David Lee Roth. Bastards! The people who> reduced him to this would pay. So I got the guy out of the back and> punched him upside the head a few times. I slammed him face first into> the roof of the car and then backraked him. I gave him the boot, the> legdrop on the concrete, and then I grabbed his belt and gave him the> last ride powerbomb on the hood. I finished him by tombstoning the> ladder into his balls as he was strung up there. Then I saw the tour> bus. You best believe I grabbed the ladder and vandalized the whole> thing. But then I was leaving and still didn't know how I could do> something to make the Dos Equis feel better. Then I realized I probably> already had!>

And that's the way it really happened! ; )