All who are in need of spring training, come and ride with us. All who are hungry, come and partake of our carbohydrate-laden treats.
[The bottle of cytomax is held up and the blessing recited.]
The youngest rider asks:
1. On all other rides, we eat all kinds of bars. On this ride, why do we only eat hard, unleavened Power Bars? 2. On all other rides, we might consume a wide range of fruits. On this ride, why do we eat bananas? 3. On all other rides, we might not dip our bananas even once in our gu. On this ride, why do we dip our bananas twice? 4. On all other rides, we ride sitting up straight. On this ride, why do we ride in a reclining position on recumbents?
The answer my children, may be found in the story of Passover.
This is the power bar of our affliction, which our ancestors baked 400 years ago.
Many years ago, we were slaves to our automobiles, driving hither and thither, not knowing that a better way existed. If the Holy One, blessed be He, had not shown us the way of the bicycle, then we, our children and our children's children would have remained enslaved to motor vehicle. Even if all of us were wise, all of us understanding, all of us knowing the book of Effective Cycling, we would still be obligated to discuss the liberation through cycling; and everyone who discusses this liberation at length is praiseworthy.
There are four types of children who ask questions on this ride: the wise one, the bad one, the simple one, and the one who does not know to ask. - What does the wise one ask? I don't know; I couldn't understand him either. Him you must send to a school for gifted children. - What does the bad one ask? He says, "What is this ride to you?" Because he excludes himself from the community of cyclists, you must exclude him from your ride, and he will go back to his employer and get paid double-time and a half for working on a holiday. - What does the simple one ask? He simply asks, "What is this?" You will say to him, "This is a bike ride." - As for the one who does not know to ask, you must go to his room, wake him up and say, "Next year, come to the bike ride on time!"
These are the Ten Plagues which the Holy One, blessed be He, brought upon the motorists, namely as follows:
[When saying the ten plagues, spill a drop of cytomax from the sports bottle itself ten times for each plague:]
High gas prices Congestion Registration fees Pollution Pot holes Expensive parking Speeding tickets Sedendary lifestyle Obesity First-born getting a driver's licence
How many levels of favors has the Eternal One bestowed upon us?
If we would be wearing padded bike shorts, but not have clipless pedals, it would have been enough. If we would have clipless pedals, but not at least Shimano 105 components, it would have been enough. If we would be equipped with at least Shimano 105 components, but not a delicious post-ride dinner, it would have been enough. If we would been served a delicious dinner and no dessert, it would have been enough. If we would eaten dessert, but not have a hangover from too much carousing, it would have been enough.
(Pick up the cytomax and say Thus how much more so should we be grateful to the Eternal One for the doubled and redoubled goodness that He has bestowed upon us! We do wear padded bike shorts, we do have clipless pedals, and we do have at least Shimano 105 components (and some of us have Ultegra and even Campy Chorus, and many other wonders), and we did eat a delicious post-ride dinner, and we did get dessert, and now we pray that we do not get a hangover from too much carousing -- let us say, Amen!
Thus it is our duty to thank, to laud, to praise, to glorify, to exalt, to adore, to bless, to elevate and to honor the One who did all these miracles for cyclists before us and for us. He took us from car-driving slavery to bicycling freedom, from steel-caged enclosed sorrow to the open road of joy, and from bondage to redemption.
Blessed are You, our God, Universal Ruling Presence, who has redeemed us and redeemed our ancestors, and enabled us on this ride to eat power bars and bananas. So too, God, our God and God of our ancestors, enable us to attain other rides and cycling events that will come to us in peace with happiness, and with rejoicing in Your service.
This year we watch the Tour De France in the living room, next year may we see it in person!
All who are in need of spring training, come and ride with us.>All who are hungry, come and partake of our carbohydrate-laden treats.>
[The bottle of cytomax is held up and the blessing recited.]>
The youngest rider asks:>
1. On all other rides, we eat all kinds of bars. On this ride, why do we>only eat hard, unleavened Power Bars?>2. On all other rides, we might consume a wide range of fruits. On this>ride, why do we eat bananas?>3. On all other rides, we might not dip our bananas even once in our gu. On>this ride, why do we dip our bananas twice?>4. On all other rides, we ride sitting up straight. On this ride, why do we>ride in a reclining position on recumbents?>
The answer my children, may be found in the story of Passover.>
This is the power bar of our affliction, which our ancestors baked 400 years>ago.>
Many years ago, we were slaves to our automobiles, driving hither and>thither, not knowing that a better way existed. If the Holy One, blessed be>He, had not shown us the way of the bicycle, then we, our children and our>children's children would have remained enslaved to motor vehicle. Even if>all of us were wise, all of us understanding, all of us knowing the book of>Effective Cycling, we would still be obligated to discuss the liberation>through cycling; and everyone who discusses this liberation at length is>praiseworthy.>
There are four types of children who ask questions on this ride: the wise>one, the bad one, the simple one, and the one who does not know to ask.>- What does the wise one ask? I don't know; I couldn't understand him>either. Him you must send to a school for gifted children.>- What does the bad one ask? He says, "What is this ride to you?" Because he>excludes himself from the community of cyclists, you must exclude him from>your ride, and he will go back to his employer and get paid double-time and>a half for working on a holiday.>- What does the simple one ask? He simply asks, "What is this?" You will say>to him, "This is a bike ride.">- As for the one who does not know to ask, you must go to his room, wake him>up and say, "Next year, come to the bike ride on time!">
These are the Ten Plagues which the Holy One, blessed be He, brought upon>the motorists, namely as follows:>
[When saying the ten plagues, spill a drop of cytomax from the sports bottle>itself ten times for each plague:]>
High gas prices>Congestion>Registration fees>Pollution>Pot holes>Expensive parking>Speeding tickets>Sedendary lifestyle>Obesity>First-born getting a driver's licence>
How many levels of favors has the Eternal One bestowed upon us?>
If we would be wearing padded bike shorts, but not have clipless pedals, it>would have been enough.>If we would have clipless pedals, but not at least Shimano 105 components,>it would have been enough.>If we would be equipped with at least Shimano 105 components, but not a>delicious post-ride dinner, it would have been enough.>If we would been served a delicious dinner and no dessert, it would have>been enough.>If we would eaten dessert, but not have a hangover from too much carousing,>it would have been enough.>
(Pick up the cytomax and say Thus how much more so should we be grateful>to the Eternal One for the doubled and redoubled goodness that He has>bestowed upon us! We do wear padded bike shorts, we do have clipless>pedals, and we do have at least Shimano 105 components (and some of us have>Ultegra and even Campy Chorus, and many other wonders), and we did eat a>delicious post-ride dinner, and we did get dessert, and now we pray that we>do not get a hangover from too much carousing -- let us say, Amen!>
Thus it is our duty to thank, to laud, to praise, to glorify, to exalt, to>adore, to bless, to elevate and to honor the One who did all these miracles>for cyclists before us and for us. He took us from car-driving slavery to>bicycling freedom, from steel-caged enclosed sorrow to the open road of joy,>and from bondage to redemption.>
Blessed are You, our God, Universal Ruling Presence, who has redeemed us and>redeemed our ancestors, and enabled us on this ride to eat power bars and>bananas. So too, God, our God and God of our ancestors, enable us to attain>other rides and cycling events that will come to us in peace with happiness,>and with rejoicing in Your service.>
This year we watch the Tour De France in the living room, next year may we>see it in person!>
Very clever, Claire, though I can't help but think that if this had had a Christian slant, several would have either protested it as being too religious for a bike newsgroup and some would have doubtless been offended that it was blasphemous.
catzz66 <dingdong@rammalamma.net> wrote:> Very clever, Claire, though I can't help but think that if this had had > a Christian slant, several would have either protested it as being too > religious for a bike newsgroup and some would have doubtless been > offended that it was blasphemous.
Funny, I've posted something based on the Lord's Prayer and noone took issue. Actually, if I remember correctly, Claire responded with the mountain biker's version. Personally I think you are being hypersensitive about your own bugaboo.
As for me, I quite liked Claire's post, though I do wish I had more personal cultural referents for it. I would probably if I had spent more time with my sister in the past fifteen years or so...
-- Dane Jackson - z u v e m b i @ u n i x b i g o t s . o r g Use an accordion. Go to jail. -- KFOG, San Francisco
Funny, I've posted something based on the Lord's Prayer and noone> took issue. Actually, if I remember correctly, Claire responded> with the mountain biker's version. Personally I think you are being > hypersensitive about your own bugaboo.>
As for me, I quite liked Claire's post, though I do wish I had more> personal cultural referents for it. I would probably if I had spent> more time with my sister in the past fifteen years or so...>
I'm not complaining about Claire's post at all. I liked it too. I forwarded it to some of my friends.
On Wed, 20 Apr 2005 12:49:15 GMT, RonSonic <ronsonic@tampabay.rr.com> wrote:
Hahah.... and leave out a bottle of Cytomax for Elijah!>
Good'n. Thanks.>
On Tue, 19 Apr 2005 19:33:20 -0700, "Claire Petersky"><cpetersky@mousepotato.com> wrote:>
All who are in need of spring training, come and ride with us.>>All who are hungry, come and partake of our carbohydrate-laden treats.>>
[The bottle of cytomax is held up and the blessing recited.]>>
The youngest rider asks:>>
1. On all other rides, we eat all kinds of bars. On this ride, why do we>>only eat hard, unleavened Power Bars?>>2. On all other rides, we might consume a wide range of fruits. On this>>ride, why do we eat bananas?>>3. On all other rides, we might not dip our bananas even once in our gu. On>>this ride, why do we dip our bananas twice?>>4. On all other rides, we ride sitting up straight. On this ride, why do we>>ride in a reclining position on recumbents?>>
The answer my children, may be found in the story of Passover.>>
This is the power bar of our affliction, which our ancestors baked 400 years>>ago.>>
Many years ago, we were slaves to our automobiles, driving hither and>>thither, not knowing that a better way existed. If the Holy One, blessed be>>He, had not shown us the way of the bicycle, then we, our children and our>>children's children would have remained enslaved to motor vehicle. Even if>>all of us were wise, all of us understanding, all of us knowing the book of>>Effective Cycling, we would still be obligated to discuss the liberation>>through cycling; and everyone who discusses this liberation at length is>>praiseworthy.>>
There are four types of children who ask questions on this ride: the wise>>one, the bad one, the simple one, and the one who does not know to ask.>>- What does the wise one ask? I don't know; I couldn't understand him>>either. Him you must send to a school for gifted children.>>- What does the bad one ask? He says, "What is this ride to you?" Because he>>excludes himself from the community of cyclists, you must exclude him from>>your ride, and he will go back to his employer and get paid double-time and>>a half for working on a holiday.>>- What does the simple one ask? He simply asks, "What is this?" You will say>>to him, "This is a bike ride.">>- As for the one who does not know to ask, you must go to his room, wake him>>up and say, "Next year, come to the bike ride on time!">>
These are the Ten Plagues which the Holy One, blessed be He, brought upon>>the motorists, namely as follows:>>
[When saying the ten plagues, spill a drop of cytomax from the sports bottle>>itself ten times for each plague:]>>
High gas prices>>Congestion>>Registration fees>>Pollution>>Pot holes>>Expensive parking>>Speeding tickets>>Sedendary lifestyle>>Obesity>>First-born getting a driver's licence>>
How many levels of favors has the Eternal One bestowed upon us?>>
If we would be wearing padded bike shorts, but not have clipless pedals, it>>would have been enough.>>If we would have clipless pedals, but not at least Shimano 105 components,>>it would have been enough.>>If we would be equipped with at least Shimano 105 components, but not a>>delicious post-ride dinner, it would have been enough.>>If we would been served a delicious dinner and no dessert, it would have>>been enough.>>If we would eaten dessert, but not have a hangover from too much carousing,>>it would have been enough.>>
(Pick up the cytomax and say Thus how much more so should we be grateful>>to the Eternal One for the doubled and redoubled goodness that He has>>bestowed upon us! We do wear padded bike shorts, we do have clipless>>pedals, and we do have at least Shimano 105 components (and some of us have>>Ultegra and even Campy Chorus, and many other wonders), and we did eat a>>delicious post-ride dinner, and we did get dessert, and now we pray that we>>do not get a hangover from too much carousing -- let us say, Amen!>>
Thus it is our duty to thank, to laud, to praise, to glorify, to exalt, to>>adore, to bless, to elevate and to honor the One who did all these miracles>>for cyclists before us and for us. He took us from car-driving slavery to>>bicycling freedom, from steel-caged enclosed sorrow to the open road of joy,>>and from bondage to redemption.>>
Blessed are You, our God, Universal Ruling Presence, who has redeemed us and>>redeemed our ancestors, and enabled us on this ride to eat power bars and>>bananas. So too, God, our God and God of our ancestors, enable us to attain>>other rides and cycling events that will come to us in peace with happiness,>>and with rejoicing in Your service.>>
This year we watch the Tour De France in the living room, next year may we>>see it in person!>>
"Neil Brooks" wrote: Well . . . you . . . me . . . and some guy named Leo Lichtman are rolling on the floor laughing. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Who, me? My grandparents were Jewish. My parents were skeptics. I'm cathodic--characterized by my negative attitude.
catzz66 wrote:>> Very clever, Claire, though I can't help but think that if this had>had>> a Christian slant, several would have either protested it as being>too>> religious for a bike newsgroup and some would have doubtless been>> offended that it was blasphemous.>>
Sure go ahead....start something. The wheels are turning in the>cycling minds of the Christians wondering how to take this into a>religious argument......>rec.bicycles.religion>rec.bicycles.politics>rec.bicycles.dopping>rec.bicycles.huh>
"Maggie" wrote: (clip) Shitska (clip) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ The word is "shiksa," a gentile female. Among traditional, old-fashioned Jews, marrying a shiksa was the worst thing a son could do, whether or not she was a chorus girl. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ (clip) After he died she ran off with another guy. (clip) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Another way of putting it would be, "After he died, she remarried."
On 21 Apr 2005 03:06:08 -0700, "Maggie" <lbuset@allsecretarial.com> wrote:
Leo Lichtman wrote:>> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^>> (clip) After he died she ran off with another guy. (clip)>> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^>> Another way of putting it would be, "After he died, she remarried.">
No Leo, after he died, she put her 6 kids in a foster home (one being>my father) and ran off with another guy.
"Neil Brooks" wrote: Well . . . you . . . me . . . and some guy named Leo >Lichtman are rolling on the floor laughing.>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^>Who, me? My grandparents were Jewish. My parents were skeptics. I'm >cathodic--characterized by my negative attitude.>
But, you're right about me ROTFL.>
I guess we have a bunch of passover orphans here.. nowhere to go on passover. But OTOH, considering what those things are like sometimes... WHEE! If it's nice on passover go for a ride!
Actually i think it's supposed to rain and be shitty here all weekend.
